Stat Rep

After talking about noobz, I thought it only appropriate to highlight my very own degree of nubbishness. Pro World Service Corps enlisted me as an intern to help develop sustainable tourism. Right, wtf does that mean? Other buzz terms like ecotourism, conservation, and community-based tourism come to mind. Well, it turns out that their assignment for me began as something as vague as those terms. Now, however, I'm in the process of developing a brand-spanking new community-based tourism business. I know what you're saying, "Cyrus, you silly boy, you don't have any business training, what do you know?" Well this is sort of how I started out thinking as well - As a goddamned noob, right? Well, research has been the focus these past three or so months. By research I mean using the Internet to see what other groups and companies are doing in the realm of community-based tourism, etc. I'm looking at online tourist agencies, and organizations that both promote and further define what exactly denotes this type of tourism. Two different home-stays have consulted with me as well. At the forefront of their problems is market accessibility and identification. This ultimately stems from lack of Internet know-how and access. These days it's nye impossible to run a successful business without a good website. A website isn't the only thing, one needs networking outlets and listings. You know that little box that says "Follow us" with all those links to twitter, facebook, digg, etc.? Yeah, crucial. Additionally, they need to have their programs listed in agency websites, those trip planner thingies, often with search engines and so on. Often times hotels have a desk or kiosk with brochures and an agent to help guide tourists towards this or that activity, and it's my believe that  a simple single 1/3 brochure with sexy wording at the top can go a long way. One would think all this is pretty common sensical, but it's really not for locals. They also have to pay these agencies to advertise their brochures as well as verbally discuss and book programs. That is why proper Internet use is so important - the western world is well-versed in this world, and it cuts out the agents, the middle men. One aspect that helps me be effective at this job is that I understand a lot of what tourists and foreigners like and want (from past experience and ongoing surveying and interviewing, lots of note-taking), but also have a growing awareness to limits and difficulties among local operators. Sometimes my advice is so hair-brained, it burns - westerners NEED toilet paper. They HATE squat toilets. And in many cases it's simply inconceivable to imagine how one even goes about shitting without tp. I mean, you either wash your ass with the water there, or wipe with your hand, and wash it after, but aren't both options shitty? (This is where locals would use either the provided bucket or small spray like the one by your kitchen sink to clean it. wet. Also why you get a hepatitis shot(s) before leaving) Anyway, hope this note has been at least a bit explanatory if not boring as tits. Our next steps will be to draw up a mission statement (already in rough draft form so far), and emailing various sites about listings. Some groups that are genuinely concerned about communities offer free listings for qualified groups, so we'll have to step up there. Shouldn't be too hard, we got a word smith extraordinaire constructing these documents after all, ya? Haha, best of luck to you all, and thank you for reading.

Sunday January 10, 2010

People always ask me if I was drunk the previous night, but I have yet to actually get drunk. The rum I've been drinking is 40 percent, but I can drink the better half of a bottle and still operate heavy machinery. They just expect me to be drunk, but my act is together, fancy that! It was pretty cold this morning, and we didn't launch on the raft until about 10:30 because a group of tourists happened to be too heavy for their raft, and bamboo had to be added. The bamboo rafting was one helluva trip. It was like some National Geographic shit. And about four hours – we took this instead of the hour and a half plus drive over dirt road. Two or three times we went through pretty rough waters too. The first time we crashed I kind of went flying into David in front of me. Twice the driver of the raft had to sav' out and get in the water to dislodge us from rocks. He was a total animal. We finally arrived at the sub-district office around three in the afternoon, and I ate a plate of fried rice as well as a bowl of rad na (stir-fried noodles, veggies, and pork in a gravy/broth that is fucking sensational – plenty of MSG methinks). We went with Nayok Satiyen back to the Elephant Home where I finally got to bucket shower my dirty-ass body. It felt nice. Then I tried using the Internet a bit, but it was generally pretty slow (hey, satellite). Started them drinking around five or six, managed to say a few charming words in Thai, and everyone was in high spirits. Oh! Almost forgot, first time this trip my guts got the best of me and took a wrong turn! I scurried to my room to do the dirty dirty in discreet fashion - just in the nick of time! Yippee!! The Nayok took the second bottle of “blended spirits” away before we could do much more damage to it, but after three cans o Beer Chang I actually got a little buzzed. Then I went to bed.

Saturday January 9, 2010

This day we did even less work. In fact, we did zero. There simply wasn't anything we really could do. Being attached to a program with certain responsibilities means avoiding certain potentials for danger, or risk. So basically carrying wood was the extent of our tasks. We did watch them cut down a massive tree, what kind I don't know, but it was on steep hill surrounded by many jungle plants, mostly bamboo. Consequently, the three logs they cut up had to be helped down the hill via bamboo levers and manpower. I was in a situation where helping was best accomplished by not helping. These guys were all far more experienced, and I would have just got in the way. After that little adventure, we returned to the village where we stayed for the night. We went down to the river to play. A couple guys were building a bamboo raft. After the river, we sat around a bit, went to the shop to buy cold sodas, then the school, then the shop again for rum, then back to the house to start drinking it (neat or mixed with water). Not exactly an afternoon delight, but rather enjoyable nonetheless. After dinner I went drinking by the fire again but politely declined on the buffalo skin. I was the last to go to bed.

Friday January 8, 2010

Today we woke up bright and early just to play the waiting game once again. I think eight or nine of us plus a bunch of supplies went into the Blue Truck – I was in the back with David and two other guys that work for Nayok Satiyen. After sitting uncomfortably for a while we decided to stand up holding onto the bar back there. That turned out to be good fun. We traversed some of the worse roads I've ever experienced, going deep into the mountains. The village we went to was so secluded there weren't even power lines going to it. The people relied on solar power and satellite dishes. We stayed in a big house owned by nice people. I slept alongside some bro and Mae on pads on the floor. It was roofed, and walled, but semi open-air. It reminded me of the Sleeping Porch. There were a couple other bros sleeping in there. That afternoon we took motorbikes to the smaller yet more secluded hilltribe village where we were to build a rice bank for those peeps. We “worked” for a few hours, not really accomplishing much. The guys doing the actual building of the structure had rather primitive tools, and just trying to get the vertical supports straight took forever. I carried a total of four pieces of wood from atop this other hill where they cut the tree down. Returned home just before nightfall, where I took a chilly bucket shower (thought the water pressure was effed in the regular shower, which wasn't heated anyway). After dinner I went over to a camp fire with my bottle spirits, sharing it with the men, and having a jolly good show. And then out came the buffalo skin. I'm not talking anything like fried pork skin with is just the ticket. This stuff is completely different, and frankly not delicious. They grilled slabs of buffalo skin, still with the hair on it, I kid you not, on the open fire, and then when it was ready, scraped the hair off, and then smashed it with a hammer to “tenderize” it. This did not work, for the stuff was still chewy as tire rubber, a bit crunchy, and prone to getting stuck tight between my teeth. I actually had to chase it with rum. Of course, I didn't just eat one piece, I ate maybe three or four, pretending to love it with all my heart, thereby pleasing my hosts greatly. I thought it was cute funny when the little girl maybe three years old munched pieces down with delight. I'm a pussy. Once the rum was all gone, one guy brought out some homedistill, which was pretty harsh, but again, drank with my ceaseless shit-eating grin. I slept like a rock.

7 January 2010

 Finally broke the ice with our hosts at the elephant home. How? By making it clear that I not only drink, but can drink like a full grown elephant that thinks it's whale (wtf?). It was cute how they were all shy of me up until realizing that I'm almost exactly the same as them.

Yesterday started out so incredibly boring and unremarkable. I did get the chance to use Internet at the little learning center across the field from the office and across the road from the Mae Taeng River. Met another foreigner by the name of Steve. He's an Aussie. Finally Porn came around three when I ate a second lunch, then around four she drove Nayok and me back to the elephant home where I met a couple of buddies-to-be.

Dah and Pee Geh (the spellings don't do the names justice) agreed to drink with me!! Dah drove me on the motorcycle down to the local kwik-e-mart where I picked up a bottle of 285 brand blended spirits. Tastes close enough to whiskey. We bought ice, soda, and Pepsi as well. I prefer it with ice and soda. When we got back, Nayok Satiyen taught me how to make Gup Glaem (กับแกล้ม), or "food to be eaten with booze" - and the name for this kind of dish? Yum. It's a salad with basic core ingredients used for flavoring, that can be modified with different elements for the main bulk of the salad. Hard to explain. Anyway, it's spicy, fresh, and most importantly, goes great with whiskey soda. So we sucked down the bottle of 285 pretty easily. Then we had dinner, when Joe busted out a big seven up bottle of homebrewed something. It was alcoholic and I drank multiple glasses. Nayok also put my bottle of Sangsom into a bigger water bottle which had been filled with various tree barks for their medicinal powers. I didn't object, we'll need something to get us through the mountain nights to come...

5 January 2010

 20:13 and I'm already in bed. I got close to ten hours of sleep last night, but it was a good thing because I had a busy day. Although I woke up at 07:30 and was ready to roll out bu 08:10, Nayok Satiyen had a bunch of phone business to take care of. I was fine with the wait though; got to ride in the blue truck with red and blue lights on top. We ended up going pretty far, to a location near Chiang Dao, where he and a few others met to discuss who knows what *consult field notes*. After that we went to visit the site of a past king's residence and fortress (I think) – a stupa nonetheless, where we wai'd his statue thrice. According to the broken communicado between Nayok's driver and myself, this king was known for pitting a game cock against that of a Burmese invader and won so as to send the Burmese packing. There were statues of cocks ALL over the grounds. We then went into Chiang Dao to have a light lunch of pork leg and rice. Can you say yummerz?!! After this we went to the real meeting where a bunch of Nayoks met in a forum/seminar style with the Nai Amphoe *see field notes* and he asked various questions and called for status updates, etc. this was all very boring and took over two hours. Afterwards, however, there was a dinner party outside the district office where several different delicious kinds of Thai foods were offered buffet/stall style. There was also a heavy flow of booze (whiskey and rum) and beer, which I did not partake in. I'm not disappointed. I think tonight I may even go to sleep sooner than last.

4 January 2010

 Yesterday we visited a a couple of temples including one made entirely of teak without any nails whatsoever (just carved fittings) Afterwards, we went to the market in Chiang Mai that is supposed to be the biggest and best for buying food stuffs (not grocery, open air). We bought stuff for dinner which we had at the Proworld office which is also David and Porn's house. Dinner was moo ga-ta (aka Korean BBQ), a domed grill  set atop an open charcoal fire stove that has room for broth in a moat around the grill where the vegetables are boiled. The meat is grilled on top, or boiled as well. The seating was traditional – on the floor around the fire, with us all tending to the food in the middle, intermittently taking a piece, dipping it in Suki sauce, and munching it down. The food was delicious of course, although my long and inflexible legs caused me constant discomfort scrunched underneath me in a position I rarely assume at home. This was no matter and I simply pretended to be comfortable (although today my right knee is still a bit torqued) until Porn and her friends insisted I change positions (thank goodness). Her one friend named First was pretty I thought. On the car ride back to the guesthouse the three of them liked it when Porn mentioned how David had discouraged her from going out to party with volunteers (sound enough advice), and I responded that there's no reason I couldn't go out with just her friends. They all had an uproar. I absolutely love seeing and hearing Thai people get excited. 

Today we left Chiang Mai at eight to the elephant home in Mae Taeng. It was an hour's drive, and the other volunteer, Mae, and I sat in the flatbed. Actually we lay down more comfortably for the majority of the trip. The place excellent, and in fact more than I could have wished for. I have my own little house with a bathroom with a western style toilet – big ups. The manager, Joe, of the elephant camp is my very same age and married to a nice-looking girl born of a Karen (hill tribe) lady now in her forty-somethings(?). Joe and Ooang have a baby boy named Oishi who is absolutely adorable.

Upon arriving at the district office where I'll be working, I momentarily felt intimidated when the Nayok (Sub-district head) held a meeting outside his personal office with a bunch of staff, filling them in about me. I couldn't understand much, but survived to die another day. Noriko is a Japanese lady who speaks excellent English and Thai, and works in tourism and at the coffee shop in the Learning Center on the roadside by the office. She says she used to live in Las Vegas. We then returned to the elephant home, had lunch with Nayok Satiyen, and then went on a little hike with him and one of his aids who was mapping the area via gps. We ended up traversing pretty rough terrain, some of which had brambles that left tiny irritating and painful thorns in the skin and clothes. Off the beaten path indeed (and to be beaten by the unbeaten path as well). There were a few muddy areas, one of which Mae failed to bypass, soiling her shoes. I came out clean, albeit very sweaty and a bit dust-caked. This was all Nayok's land which he had bought with the hopes of restoring and nourishing back to some level of relative use and self-sustainability. This man is indeed of high character, I can tell I'll learn a lot from him. He's tough as an ox too. We ended up hiking more than a couple of km. Upon returning, Mae and I went with Porn and Ooang to the Lotus grocery store to pick up some food stuffs. After dinner with Mae (boring) I returned to my hut to take a cold bucket shower for the first time because the actual shower was no more than a trickle, so I said fuck it. The sensation was jarring in all the right ways, and sure cleaned my tits off nicely. I am now in bed lying in the intense darkness about to try sleeping at 20:58 and waking at 07:25. My life has changed. Good night.

2 January 2010

 So I got in to Chiang Mai yesterday in the afternoon. Program director of Proworld Thailand David Jackson seems to be a cool enough guy. His wife Porn is also cool, in a Thai lady type of way not unlike my mom. In fact the two of them are startlingly similar to my parents. After dropping me at the guest house for the weekend and a short chat downstairs, they left. Awesome, I'm thinking to myself, free and solo; what kind of trouble could I, should I, get into tonight? Well just as I'm struggling with the terrible Internet connection, Porn calls me and tells me the phone number of another person in the program. A white chick named Kristin from LA. I called her up and before we know it, we're at a nearby plaza of bars chatting up the shit. I never got drunk, which I guess is good considering it was the first night, but I did end up telling Krisitin my Cabo Sand Lot Story. We traded a number of stories (you did what kind of crazy shit in college?!) but I guess that's sort of what happens when people from a familiar enough land meet and end up doing considering the circumstances – both of us essentially friendless in a foreign land. Somehow I think she got a little more drunk than myself, but no matter. The place we went to was sofuckingsweet! There were hella bars, but many were closed. Some guys took turns performing fire shows to upbeat didgeridoo music, very cool. I ended up paying ten bucks equivalent for five whisky sodas (they must have been extremely weak, but they managed to keep me peeing frequently somehow). There were multiple reggae bars, and the funny thing was seeing mixed Thai/Black guys with rasta hair styles. They were neato. I think it was around the forth drink when the drunkest guy in the entire place – a gay, came up to us and told me his friend (couldn't confirm if the “friend” was lady or boy, or just gay) thought I was handsome. Yikes. Also, once a man on crutches but no obvious injury to either leg came by begging for money, and got denied (well, ignored). Another different guy with the same setup came by later to the same effect. And following that one was an actual cripple with nubs for legs, and everyone around pretty much made it rain on him with cash money.

31 december 2009 - Another note to self

Discuss the painful but authentic Thai massage

Facial

• All the layers of creams, lotions etc. Some felt like there were grains of sand in them; suction tool; cucumber salad on my face; black head tool, eyes closed throughout, about an hour, etc.
  

New year's eve: drinking beers on ice; planning to go out with gay Pee Man, etc.

30 December 2009 - First Note

Thailand

Commentary:

Watering the median via fire hose turret

Gays/trannies/lady boys, etc.

My level of ignorance as a buffer for the reader

Bar girls and my affinity for them – to be addressed throughout

Old foreign men – not just white ones, rich ones looking to get their D's wet